Ouch! Aziz Ansari stopped by The Tonight Show on Monday, June 15, and acted out some cringeworthy attempts at romance with host Jimmy Fallon.
Appearing on the talk show to promote his new book Modern Romance, the 32-year-old Parks and Recreation alum put men on blast for sending terribly awkward first text messages as they hope to woo potential partners.
“That’s something that a lot of people fret about, what’s the first thing I should say?” Ansari explained. “It’s really surprising the kind of bozo texts a lot of dudes send. It seems like a very simple thing to just say like, ‘Hey, would you like to do this specific thing at this specific time? You were nice,’ or whatever, but most dudes are just writing very weird things or just saying, ‘Hey. What are you doing? Hey.'”
Fallon, 40, then brought up a series of just this kind of bozo text, explaining, “We asked our viewers to send in their worst first text exchanges and I thought we could read a few of them right now. It’s time for First Textual Experience.”
The comedian then dimmed the lights, and a sexy setup of glowing candles and rose petals was placed between the two men. They took turns doing dramatic readings of screenshots of real texts, inspiring gasps and laughs from the New York City studio audience.
Ansari started things off, reading, “Hi Rachel! Since I never got a chance to ask you to dance at Marissa and Chris’s wedding (I’m Chris’s old roommate from Purdue…), he and you sister gave me your number. I wanted to say hi and sort of ‘texty’ introduce myself. Haha. 🙂 Hope you had a great weekend… hope to chat with you soon.”
“I feel like he lost it when he said ‘texty introduce,'” Ansari said. “I feel like everyone’s like, ‘Oh, god! Texty? No!'”
Fallon then took his turn, reading, “My friend have me this number. Said a smart, pretty girl needed to be taken out to dinner? Where are you wanting to go? This is Ron btw is was trying to be clever.”
“Ron should’ve just done one proofreading session!” Ansari shot back before queuing up another text. “First text, 4:11 a.m.: ‘I love Alchohol.’ Next morning, 11:47 a.m., ‘I regret everything.'”
For his final solo reading, Fallon brought up a two-paragraph text that immediately inspired an audible reaction. “Oh no!” Ansari said. “Even just the length, everyone’s like, ‘Nooo! Not that long!'”
“It’s a longy, hey you wanna sit down for this one,” Fallon began. “‘Love meeting new people and especially those from all over. So tell me alittle about yourself what do yu like to do? How’s school goin for you? and most important of all what’s your favorite kind of pizza (random I know) so hit me back I would love to chat with you. And may I say your are very pretty I mean I got to tell you, you look like a piece of good god, wrapped up in some have mercy and a side MM!’ (Sorry I gotta speak my mind haha) (hopefully hat didn’t just creep ya out haha).'”
Watch Ansari’s reaction and see the two stars reenact one particularly painful text conversation in the video above!
