Kim Kardashian and company have descended upon Paris, where her wedding festivities are already in full swing and she’ll soon become Mrs. Thomas Humphries West. With #KimyeWedding imminent — the nups will take place in Florence, Italy, on Saturday — it got us thinking: What do you buy the couple who has everything?
While “nothing” first comes to mind — at 33, this is her third wedding, no doubt testing the generosity of her nearest and dearest — we couldn’t resist putting together a list of gifts that we feel would be perfectly suited for the overexposed and over-the-top lovebirds. Registry shmegristy! Here are our picks:
Their very own Versailles. The duo was given permission to tour Versailles with their wedding guests, but they couldn’t secure the palace for their nuptials. So we’d start by giving them this 3D paper version of the landmark, which could double as a toy for lil’ North.
[Related: The Kardashians Take Paris (Photos)]
A giant gold-plated mirror. So they can stand together and gaze at their two favorite people on the planet.
One gallon of their favorite flavor at Berthillon. #NoDisrespecttoHäagen-Dazs, but we found it cra-zy that the bride and groom traveled all the way to Paris and immediately went to an outpost of the New York ice cream chain for cones. So we’d gift them with the luxury ice cream from Berthillon, which many consider to be the best in Paris.
A 5-year subscription to Vogue. We were initially thinking a lifetime subscription to their favorite fashion mag, but with her marriage track record, we didn’t want to get ahead of ourselves.
A Renaissance-style family portrait. They’re exchanging vows in Forte di Belvedere — a 16th century fort in Florence — and Kanye recently bragged about conceiving North “among the masterpieces of the Renaissance.” So why not have someone paint the family into their own The Last Supper? We’re sure it will look lovely over their dining room table.
His and hers V. Stiviano visors. The perfect accessory for when they don’t want to be photographed (or they’re pretending they don’t want to be photographed).
[Related: Burning Question: How Do You Plan a Bachelor Party for Kanye West?]
One year of Barry’s Bootcamp classes for two. They’re already fans of the fitness hotspot. Besides, the couple that sweats together stays together… or something like that.
French lessons. Oui, oui! These will be perfect for the next time Kanye needs to give the Parisian paps a talking to — like he did this week to the one who compared Kim’s outfit to lingerie). It will help him get his point across better than his trademark death stare.
Matching “Kimye” bling. He likes gold chains, she’s obsessed with personalized jewelry, so now that they’re official, we think they need matching necklaces with their combined name. We’re sure their pal Lorraine Schwartz could whip up something fancy.
A double date with James Franco and Seth Rogen. We really wish Kanye’s idea — that the “Bound 2” mockers make a surprise appearance at the wedding — had come to fruition. But maybe post-wedding, they could double date for dinner in Los Angeles… or a hair blowing, dual motorcycle ride up the coast.
A couple’s caviar facial: Kimmy loves to get her spa on, dropping $550 for a pre-wedding stem cell facial and of course trying that vampire facial. So La Prairie Spa at the Ritz-Carlton Central Park’s $1,000 White Caviar Facial seems in line with their taste.
A Stufz Stuffed Burger Maker: Doesn’t everyone get at least one really bizarre gift for their wedding? Why not something wacky like this from As Seen on TV’s kitchen collection. And burgers are approved on Kim’s Atkins Diet.
[Related: Kimye’s Wedding Countdown: A Look Back at Kanye West’s Former Flames]
Their own L.A. house: When they return to the town they call home, Kanye will carry Kim over the threshold at… her mom’s house. Yup, they are still without their own L.A. digs — their dream house is taking forever to build — and we’re sure they could use their own space. After all, we don’t even live with Kris and we feel like we need some distance from her, too.
We could go on — a fancy new camera for all those selfies, mister and missus high-tops sneakers, a couture couple’s onesie — but let’s face it: There’s a possibility that they may have to return these gifts, so we don’t want to make too much trouble for them.
