The Real Housewives of Dallas‘ series premiere on Monday, April 11, disappointed in the hair-height department but did not disappoint when it came to drama. Between all of the charity events, in-your-face confrontations and, uh, poop jokes, it already seems like this bunch is destined for reality-show greatness.
The episode served as a basic introduction to our five main Housewives this season: Brandi Redmond, Tiffany Hendra, Cary Deuber, Stephanie Hollman and LeeAnne Locken. Let the Texas-sized tension begin!
Stephanie and Brandi: Jesus Juice on Ice
Here’s what you need to know about Brandi and Stephanie: They are best friends, they love talking about poop and farts, and — most importantly — they love to drink “Jesus Juice,” a.k.a. wine. According to Brandi (a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader), “Jesus turned water into wine. That’s why I call it Jesus juice. You can take communion any time of day!” Amen, sister.
Brandi showed up to Stephanie’s house for a glass of JJ with ice cubes and then proceeded to go through Stephanie’s list of chores, assigned to her by her husband, Travis. Stephanie told the camera, “Travis gives me a list of chores that I have to do … It’s kind of a way for me to ‘make my money’ in the marriage.”
LeeAnne Is the ‘Mouth of the South’
We met LeeAnne while she was vintage shopping with her best friend, Tiffany, for clothes for an upcoming charity event. LeeAnne sees herself as a force to be reckoned within the Dallas charity scene and said to the camera, “They call me the ‘mouth of the south,’ and I’m OK with that because I use that voice to connect charities to people with money.”
Oh, yeah — and she’s a former carnie. Her opening-credits intro is, “I grew up a carnie kid — play games with me, and you’re gonna pay.” Does anyone else suddenly have a craving for funnel cake?
Tiffany’s Husband Has The Voice of an Angel
The next housewife we met was LeeAnne Locken’s best friend, Tiffany, who has recently moved from Los Angeles back to Dallas (her hometown) with her musician husband, Aaron Hendra. Tiffany, a former actress and model, moved back to Texas to live a simpler life, saying, “The coke, the Cristal, the private planes, all the glitz and glamour — I needed to get back to my roots.”
She rewarded her supportive — and hunky — husband with a new guitar. He then serenaded his wife in the guitar store and showed off some serious musical ability. Good thing he’s in the music capital of the world: Dallas, Texas!
Cary and Her Husband Are “Boobs by Deubs”
Cary Deuber is a registered nurse and works alongside her husband, successful plastic surgeon Mark Deuber — known for his breast implants. Cary told that camera, “That’s what we do, boobs by Deubs.” Pretty catchy. The first time we saw all of the ladies together is at Cary’s house for a trunk show to benefit Doris Daniely Outreach, a program that provides breast reconstruction for breast cancer survivors. This event would pale in comparison to the drama at the next charity event.
Brandi Makes Fun of LeeAnne Behind Her Back
Brandi and Stephanie arrived at the “No Tie Dinner,” an event supporting a Dallas AIDS charity, and immediately started snickering about Brandi’s comedic impression of LeeAnne. After doing the impression for Cary, it was immediately clear that the former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader was not doing a loving impression. She said of the carnie-turned-charity guru, “It seems as if she’s using the charity world to shine a spotlight on herself.”
When LeeAnne got wind of this impression, she wasted no time in confronting Brandi about it and asked if she would do it to her face. Brandi refused to do it and asked to have a sit-down with LeeAnne.
Brandi Tells LeeAnne, “You Need Help”
LeeAnne, ready to brush things under the rug, started off by saying, “You’re a sweetheart, and you mimic people because it’s your comedy, and I love that about you.” Brandi, however, was not ready to bury the hatchet and went for the jugular, saying, “I’m more worried about you. I was at your event last week … and people were battling AIDS, and you spoke out about yourself.”
Taken aback, LeeAnne asked, “You see me as a pathetic person?” To which Brandi replied, “You need help,” something she would repeat several more times. Brandi then went on to criticize the charity scene in its entirety when she said, “I think it’s kinda s–tty that we have all these expensive things, and we throw out money here and there to have a drink and all these appetizers and s–t when all that money that we put there could go towards a charity.”
Needless to say, enemies were made that night, and Brandi and Stephanie immediately left the event.
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The Real Housewives of Dallas airs on Bravo Mondays at 10 p.m. ET.
