If you’re ever concerned that you’re the only one who has a lot of thoughts about Rob & Chyna, fear not. Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna‘s E! series aired its season finale on Sunday, October 16 — including all of its paternity-drama glory — and some brave members of Us Weekly‘s staff watched the episode together in an effort to process all of the craziness.
Here are the Us team’s reactions, which were heavily edited from a lengthy online chat that included plenty of tangents. (Just so you know, a lot of choice commentary about Kevin Federline did not make the cut. No hard feelings, Kev.) And be sure to click here for our full recap of the finale!
1. Kris, Kim and Scott encourage Rob and Chyna to talk things out after the fight.
Alissa Schulman (staff reporter): Who are Rob’s mystery friends that he goes to Vegas with when he blocks his entire family?
Travis Cronin (senior reporter): Would Kim ever be the next Oprah? Giving advice is her favorite.
Jamie Blynn (staff editor): And Khloé can be her Gayle!
Travis: Ninety percent of Kim’s life takes place in some kind of studio.
Alissa: Chyna loves reading comments from online trolls. But, like, same.
Carly Sloane (editorial assistant): How many times is Chyna gonna say she doesn’t “have time for that”? We get it, you barely have any time.
Nicholas Hautman (assistant staff writer): This show should have been called Rob & Chyna & Scott.
Sierra Marquina (West Coast staff editor): He’s definitely the third-most-prominent character.
Amanda Lucci (social media editor): You know things are bad when Scott Disick is giving you relationship advice.
Evan Real (staff editor): Rob is lucky his friends/family still care.
Jamie: *Still care about publicity.
2. Chyna tells her friends that she wants a paternity test, so she swipes his toothbrush.
Abby Feiner (editorial assistant): Yes, Chyna, not telling Rob and stealing his DNA seems like the way to go.
Alissa: Finally, a Kardashian paternity test! But too bad it’s not the one we actually want to see.
Sierra: Chyna is again talking about not leaving the house and that she didn’t cheat? This entire series could have been one episode.
Evan: “I know with my vagina that this is his baby.”
Jamie: Her vagina knows it’s his!
Abby: If my baby daddy ever greets me with a “yo” and a half hug, I’m out.
Nick: I feel like Rob and Chyna have had a total of maybe 12 full conversations ever.
Cait Raft (TV recapper): Proud of you, Rob! And Scott, too!
Evan: Kim and Chyna’s mission to snatch some Rob DNA is giving me some Gone Girl vibes.
Jamie: Law & Order: Kim & Chyna Edition.
Ryan Gajewski (entertainment editor): What would Chyna’s vagina do?
Amanda: I need that on a bracelet.
Nick: *Entire Us Weekly staff shows up to work tomorrow in WWCVD shirts.*
Abby: I’d probably let my first tattoo be about Chyna’s vagina.
Amanda: I want it on Arthur George socks.
Nick: “The Arthur George sock designer” will forever be my favorite identifier.
Ryan: Don’t we all wish we could get knocked up by an up-and-coming sock designer.
3. Chyna tells Rob about her paternity-test plans.
Abby: Put the bat down, Rob.
Ryan: Getting Lemonade vibes.
Jamie: “I don’t want it to be weird, so I asked my sister-in-law to steal your DNA.”
Abby: “I’m not mad” — someone who is definitely mad.
Nick: “I’m not mad” as he swings a baseball bat near his pregnant fiancée.
Abby: “We’re doing this completely discreetly on our reality show.”
Lindsey Ellefson (TV recapper): After last week and now this, what is with these people and drawing blood over their kitchen islands?
Travis: Are the tops of those blood vials camo-print?
Abby: Do you ever stop and think, “I’ve truly watched six hours of Rob & Chyna this season”?
Nick: I think that every single episode.
4. Rob sees a therapist.
Alissa: Does this therapist actually not know Rob and Chyna’s history? She doesn’t use the internet?
Abby: “I met a new girl,” Rob says about the woman delivering his child in four weeks.
Lindsey: “Well, that sounds like a mess” is probably the last thing you want to hear your therapist say.
Travis: I would support a Rob Kardashian rap career or duet album with Chyna.
Evan: Like “Crazy” by K-Fed featuring Britney. The only reason I bought the K-Fed album. Yes, I did.
Nick: Rob & Chyna: On the Run Tour.
Amanda: Rob & Chyna: Chaotic.
Travis: Rob gives me such K-Fed vibes.
Jamie: I get sock vibes from K-Fed too.
Abby: It’s Chyna, bitch.
Jamie: Oops, I knocked her up again.
Ryan: I still listen to “PopoZao” sometimes.
Nick: A true Grammy snub.
5. Rob arranges a family dinner.
Jamie: Why does Bob get so many haircuts if he’s just going to wear a hat?
Lindsey: Wait, did they stop doing that awful cartoon effect between scenes?
Abby: I hated that cartoon thing.
Nick: It was miserable. How was it ever approved?
Travis: She just recommended semen on the face for acne — oldest trick in the book.
Abby: Sorry, guys. If Rob gives Chyna a sperm facial, I’m signing off.
Carly: Kris said Rob “resurfaced” like he’s an animal in hibernation.
Lindsey: Is Kris Jenner’s computer background Kris Jenner in lingerie?
Amanda: Kris just touches the baby bump at random times to remind herself why she’s doing this show.
Evan: North West just made this 60 minutes worth it.
Travis: North is there to remind Chyna’s unborn baby that Kris is about to be her manager.
Amanda: To make sure the unborn baby knows who’s in charge.
Travis: Kris has four gigs booked for that baby already.
Abby: Corey [Gamble] is just like, “How did I end up here?”
6. Chyna shares the test results with Rob.
Nick: Did they send her paternity test results via Instagram DM?
Travis: Plot twist — it’s Tyga’s.
Evan: What would Kylie do?
Nick: It’s Scott’s.
Jamie: It’s French Montana’s.
Alissa: Everyone looks way too relieved to find out that Rob is the father of Chyna’s baby.
Abby: Who was the bodyguard who Kim hooked up with like seven seasons ago?
Evan: Abby, I don’t remember that, but I’d like to revisit it.
